Man Or Astroman?

The cast of characters:
CMW Coco The Electronic Monkey Wizard
MOAM A Random member of the band
SC Star Crunch
SBP Steve Peters
DX DexterX

CMW: This is Coco the Electronic Monkey Wizard here with this unit that evidently uses some sort of electro-magnetic inducer here that converts audio waves into electric signals, thus then recording it down onto magnetic tape for later playback and analyzation.

MOAM: Are they metal tapes? We only show up on Metal Tapes.

CMW: This machine looks relatively up to par. It's japanese, which means its japanese. So, we'll try it, but if it doesn't turn out, you'll have to use your imagination. Actually, we'd rather you use your memory, but if you have to use your imagination to make up this interview.

SBP:: If I have to, I'd rather use my imagination, because my imagination is a lot better than my memory.

MOAM: I think maybe you should ask us questions and we'll answer them.

CMW: We'll use the standard format.

SBP:: If you were in a fight with Satan's Pilgrims, who would win?

MOAM: Satan's Pilgrims.

SBP:: Why is that?

MOAM: C'mon, they have one more person than we do.

CMW: And we're lovers, not fighters.

MOAM: We don't have like super powers or anything...

SBP:: Don't you guys have like higher technology?

CMW: See, there you go again, typical human response, using technology for destruction, huh?

MOAM: We talked about that today, all the way down here.

CMW: How do you like that? Well, you guys think you're pretty advanced with your lasers and stuff?

SBP:: Well, maybe you're just arm-wrestling or something.

CMW: We wouldn't use technology in arm-wrestling...

MOAM: You mean like in "Over the Top?"

SBP:: You're not bionically enhanced?

CMW: Naw, we're not into that cyborg thing. No way. Purely biological.

SBP:: What about Huevos Rancheros? If you were in a fight with them, who would win?

CMW: We would, we got one more member and they eat too much back bacon, c'mon.

MOAM: Anybody who puts gravy on their french-fries.

CMW: Yeah, what are you going to do with that?

SBP: [to Star-Crunch]: You don't put gravy on your french-fries?

SC: Nope. I don't. I don't eat french fries or gravy.

MOAM: Star Crunch doesn't eat gravy at all.

SC: I don't need to eat.

SBP:: Don't eat at all huh?

CMW: She's from space.

SC: I'm a robot. I don't need to eat.

SBP:: So you're not bionic, you're into cybernetics.

CMW: Look, we're all speaking for ourselves here!

SBP:: So are you good friends with Godzilla?

CMW: What do you mean "good friends"? How "good friends" can you be with Godzilla?

MOAM: We try to stay off Monster Island as much as we can.

SBP:: Have you been to Japan or do you just watch the movies?

CMW: Are you asking me specifically?

SBP:: I'm asking all of you.

CMW: *I* just watch the movies.

MOAM: *I* have been to Japan... and star in the movies. I was Crabula in Gozilla versus the space monster actually. Did you see when I just took out the city of Sheba?

SBP:: All I can remember is this big guy in a rubber suit destroying everything in Japan. Some kids come along and save everyone.

CMW: with a big turtle.

MOAM: that was not one of my better scenes.

SBP:: How many batteries does it take to propel man or astroman through the universe?

CMW: It would take quite a bit.

MOAM: We would be propelled throughout the universe if coco wasn't mr. eco-system. Mr. Greenpiece. With his rechargeable batteries that he always forgets, every tour.

CMW: Rechargeable batteries are a great idea...

MOAM: in theory

CMW: In theory.

MOAM: But in practice they don't work if they're sitting at home on your workshop desk.

CMW: In the recharger, burning themselves into a carbon... crisp...

MOAM: Carbon Crisps, hey it's a new breakfast cereal!

SBP:: So does Man Or Astroman surf the sea or surf the stars?

MOAM: Mostly surf the stars, but on this shithole planet, we mostly have to surf the seas.

CMW: Waves, waves, you guys with your water. I mean what are you guys gonna do? We're talking about Gamma, Beta. I mean check it out...

SBP:: So, Utah, is it true?

MOAM: Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's true.

SBP:: Are you from Utah, or is just something I read and forgot about?

CMW: You probably read it and your memory being so bad as it is intrepreted it as Utah, when in fact, it was Alabama.

MOAM: I think there is a big Mormon connection with Man Or Astroman. We try to downplay it, but before we did this, we had another band, tabernacle... what was it called?

CMW: Sort of a choir sort of thing.

SBP:: Did they travel through space a lot?

CMW: No, it was pretty much an earth phenomenon.

MOAM: We couldn't drink caffeine and we all had nine wives... It was a lot different scene.

SBP:: You had nine wives and you quit?

MOAM: Yes.

SBP:: What did you think about this Star Crunch?

CMW: Star Crunch didn't have any wives. Star Crunch had nine husbands.

SBP:: You quit because they wouldn't let you have any wives?

SC: No, I just kept having babies, and it didn't work with this whole touring thing.

CMW: You can't bring babies on the road.

SC: You can't fit them all in there, and they cry...

MOAM: Where do you put all the trampolines?

CMW: yeah, you ever try and bring a trampoline on the road?

SBP:: uh, no.

CMW: When you have nine wives, you have to have a trampoline, you understand that, right?

SBP:: I was not aware of that.

CMW: See! You learn every day! Especially when you deal with people from Outer Space.

SBP:: So, what is the name of the planet you gentlemen are from?

CMW: We're not from a planet. Look, I've been through this a million times. The deal is, planets are a very, very, very inefficient use of mass for the given amount of surface area that they produce. You understand that, right? So Forget about it.

DX: Gravity is a waste of time.

SBP:: So what kind of guitars do you guys use and where'd you get 'em?

CMW: We use Rock and Roll guitars.

SBP:: Are these special space rock and roll guitars? [to Star Crunch] do you play guitar?

MOAM: Star Crunch plays guitar.

SBP:: I remember reading that you play guitar.

SC: yes, we just like to pick them up at Garage Sales, wherever, trash.

CMW: That's where the rock and roll is.

MOAM: Omnivox

CMW: Omnivox rhythm

SBP:: Omnivox rhythm guitars? That's "everything voice." That's latin, very beautiful.

MOAM: that Latin always threw me off, it sounds like that language they speak on Pluto.

CMW: Yeah, we've had bad experiences there.

SBP:: Is that kind of like Philadelphia?

CMW: No, it's more like Jersey. The Jersey of space, Pluto is.

SBP:: Wow, they must have some great industrial spaces.

CMW: Well, they try and do some manufacturing out there, but it has to remain hidden from you earthlings, so... big mess.

SBP:: So you're driving across Nebraska, what are you listening to on the tape deck?

CMW: Depends, depends which antenna we have up and how tall it is. We try to zone in typically to the 200 band and the Crab Nebula.

SBP:: You guys don't do space dust do you? Is that what gives you your energy on stage? The sonic youth of america need to know.

CMW: The sonic youth of america, what's that?

SBP:: do the sonic youth of america need to do space dust to be exciting on stage?

CMW: To be exciting on stage? What do you mean? To be exciting on stage to whom? I'm confused.

MOAM: If you don't have space dust, you don't have any indie rock credibility, in my mind. They go hand and hand.

SBP:: It's kind of like pixie dust, in the straws.

CMW: MOAM is like handing the stuff out to other bands.

SBP:: What's next for Man or Astroman? You're on album #3 or 4?

MOAM: 2, I think we just have 2 out.

SBP:: You confused me, numbers are just... I'm surrounded on all sides.

CMW: We did this special thing for MTV

MOAM: Tell him what Man Or Astroman? unplugged is.

CMW: It's called "Silence", Man or Astroman? unplugged.

SBP:: So it's like in space, you just stick your microphone out the window. Something like that?

CMW: Because in space, no one can hear you suck. We're a lot better out in space.

MOAM: It should be out, I don't know. You know they record those things long before they air it.

SBP:: So that's MTV or eMptyTV?

CMW: No, it's like Mormon TV, they take like a year to get anything out on those channels. It's better than EWTN, we'd tried doing the televangelism thing on EWTN for a long time. Whew, talk about a time consuming process.

SBP:: EWTN, I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that.

CMW: The Eternal Word Network?

SBP:: I think, I've been missing out.

CMW: If you're looking for televangelism, it's the prime source. But there is a year lag, this stuff takes time. You need to have patience.

SBP:: Well, look how long it took to write the bible. You can't expect to get on American TV in just one year, can you?

CMW: So they're actually doing pretty well, I guess.

MOAM: We actually have new bibles that every place it said "God" it says "Coco" instead. Little pet project.

CMW: It's a little controversial around the bible belt, the southeast, but it's selling lot hot cakes.

SBP:: You could probably give them to all the motels and they'd never know the difference.

CMW: that's a good idea.

SBP:: Your philosophy of music is?

MOAM: My philosophy of music is that I've never heard it, so I wouldn't know anything about it.

SBP:: Music is like Oxygen. Oxygen is like...

CMW: Stockhausen...

MOAM: some weak pathetic gas that isn't on Jupiter.

CMW: You can't take it out on this guy. You can't expect him to do these one word kind of things when the level of disgust is so high. You're opening up a little door. A little door that could explode into something anonymous!

[Unit Circle Music]